Standing Still
Today was neither good nor bad, nothing eventful but not a waste of a day, which is a surprising feeling for a day in which I did nothing. But surprising feelings are becoming not surprising in that I have felt a little different the last couple days in general. It was nice to have my father around, and it was good to have a few things unconsciously re-put into perspective by him and his indescribable personality and general sense of being. As much as he drives me crazy sometimes, he sure does have some things right. And I am lucky, so lucky, to have a father like I do.
The north was beautiful, Barcelona, Bilbao, San Sebastian, not all in one weekend but all with my parents and good thing. The food, the climate, the people - all Spain but in a different way than I have seen it so far. It was a pleasant change.
And the coast. I know you know, but the coast always makes me feel so calm and so refreshed, even if it is not so clear a day. We did no major sightseeing in San Sebastian but we sure enjoyed the sea and the seafood (!) – few plans for a long bit of time that couldn’t have been much better.
So now what? It’s Semana Santa, our equivalent of Spring Break, and I don’t have much on my plate. Yesterday I ventured into town to watch part of the processions. I am not religious but it was beautiful, and astounding really, how intense and valued these things are. My host sister said that often times los jovenes (young folks) will start their evenings viewing the processions, go to the discotecas until 4:00 am and then head back into the streets to see the finally part. Granada would.
Minus my continuing battle with the Spanish language (which is getting easier, yes, but still one of those things of the “more you know the more you know you don’t know” sort) I think the unsurprising surprising feelings have to do with my general comfort and adoration of this place. But not in the way I expected. It’s more of an adoration in the way that none of it needs to make sense or be compared. It’s an appreciation of life like this for the time being and making the appropriate and enjoyable adjustments to understand it a little more. It’s being suddenly open to the things that I think I was afraid of or too proud to let in/go of before, on a conscious or subconscious level.
The worries are a frivolity really; the preoccupations with so many things that in the grand scheme do very little but keep us from other things and other perspectives. If I am having a tough time with anything right now it’s the thought that when I leave this place I will be returning to a point where I have very little choice but to continue on with these preoccupations. Or I could choose not too, which could close some doors and open others.
I will preoccupy myself with such matters when I have to. As much as I dislike the subjunctive and all its silly rules it brings much more instant use and gratification than most of the other worries in my life. We’ll stick with that for now.