Hi everyone! This blog post is brought to us by Linka Wade, a former JSP participant who graduated from Willamette in 2018. Linka has some great personal stories paired with tips for your own experience. We hope to have more of these posts from alumni to come in the future, so keep an eye out!
Keeping in touch with your host family after JSP
Willamette’s Japan Studies Program is unique from many other study abroad programs in that it requires participants to live with a host family during their time abroad. This is a valuable experience for many reasons, not the least of which being that it gives you the ability to form a lasting connection with a family in Japan. But after leaving JSP and returning to America, you’re faced with a ton of obstacles to keep the connection going – like the massive time difference, language barrier, and your own busy life as a student. So how do you keep the connection up? Here’s some tips I’ve come up with after reflecting on my own relationship with my host mother, five years after my time on JSP.
#1 Don’t forget to spend time together
One thing I regret about the semester I spent on JSP is not spending enough time with my host mother. Despite living with her while I studied at TIU, I still feel like we didn’t do a lot together. I got very swept up in my classwork, spending time with new friends, getting involved with school events, and going on day trips to explore as much of Japan as I could. It’s really understandable to get preoccupied with these things. After all, you only have a limited amount of time to spend on JSP and there’s so much to see, do, and experience. During this time, I took a couple day trips with my host mother, as well as spending some time shopping or running errands together, and chatting and watching TV in the evening. After moving back to America, however, I realized that I only had a few shared memories of activities with her that we could talk about. It became a bit of a stumbling block in ongoing communication because we had little common ground to share when we weren’t living together anymore.
The study abroad experience can feel very overwhelming, partly because you may feel like there’s so much to do in so little time. My feelings of regret over not spending enough time with my host mother isn’t meant to dissuade you from enjoying school activities or going out to explore apart from your host family. I thoroughly enjoyed everything I did while I was on JSP, and I think I balanced out everything as best as I could. I would only caution you to remember that spending time with your host family is an integral part of the JSP experience – and that you will get as much out of the relationship as you put in.
#2 Get the family involved
My host family experience was a bit more unique than the normal host family situation. Instead of being placed with a younger family, I lived alone with an 80-year-old woman. Her husband had just passed away the year before, and her three children and their families were worried about her being lonely and depressed. Since she lives very close to TIU, they suggested she try being a host parent. I met each of her children and grandchildren several times, and generally got accepted as her oldest grandchild by the time I returned to America. Being involved with her family was a fantastic experience, and opened a lot of doors for new experiences, plus gave me more things to talk about with her.
In return for her so graciously welcoming me into her family, I also tried to introduce her to mine as much as possible. When I would video chat with my family, I’d bring them over to her for a quick hello and chitchat. We shared pictures of our families and talked about them, and she was interested enough in them to ask about what they were up to. Before I left Japan, my brother came to visit and we stayed a few nights with her at her son’s house in Kansai while we explored. She was thrilled to meet someone she had seen on my phone screen, and I was excited for someone from my family to meet her.
Our families still keep in contact. My mother sends my host mother a Christmas card every year, and my host mother returns it with a new year’s card. Two years after I studied abroad, one of my host mother’s sons took his family and her on a trip to California. They came to stay at my parent’s house for a few nights and finally got to meet each other. Meeting my parents is an experience my host mother still treasures and reminisces about. The visit in California paved the way for me to take my parents to stay at her house when they visited me in Japan a few years later.
My main point in urging you to get your family involved with your host family, is that it helps the host family to know more about and feel more connected to you. Sharing more parts of your life with each other gives you more things to share in a relationship. Being actively interested in each others’ families also makes you each feel valued, and that it’s important to the other person that you know more about them. It also gives you more opportunities to stay in touch, like visiting each other or exchanging holiday cards.
#3 Reach out, and stay involved
Above all else, the most important tip for maintaining a relationship is to keep reaching out. Send little emails or texts, even if it’s not important. Talk about the weather, send a cherry blossom that made you think of them, whatever. Anything to keep up contact and not forget the time that you spent together. It also gives you a great excuse to practice writing in Japanese!
If you return to Japan, and you’re able to, make a point to go visit your host family. Don’t worry about feeling like a bother, I bet they’d be thrilled to see you again. I was extremely lucky to get a JET placement only a couple hours drive away from Kawagoe, so I’ve been able to visit my host mother several times since moving here. Through these visits, and from keeping up email contact with her, I’ve been able to share important life events with her.
My best advice is this: if you want to have a long-lasting relationship with your host family, reach out. Be involved with them while you’re there, and keep them involved in your life once you’ve left. Value all your experiences on JSP, but don’t forget that you have the opportunity to build something that could last a lifetime.
– Linka Wade ’18